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Getting your family to accept your Lesbian lifestyle

It is amazing how open and supportive society has become about accepting gay and lesbian lifestyles, but there are still quite a few people and whole communities who have been reluctant to accept change in society. Sometimes the people closest to us are the hardest to convince who you really are and how you are independently living your life. Getting your family to accept your lesbian lifestyle can be challenging but it can also be very rewarding.

Family Support

It is always better to have the support and love of your family rather than having a happy lesbian relationship while living secluded, scared and rejected by your family and holding hostilities. There needs to be understanding and comprehension from both sides. Your family remembers you as a little, vibrant girl whom they probably imagined would live a specific kind of life, marry a fantastic man, and give them grandchildren. As a lesbian, you are still going to live an amazing and fantastic life and have grandchildren, but these will come with a woman as the love of your life. However, this change can be devastating to your family whether or not you see it as this world-crashing event.


As lesbians, we should be compassionate about everyone’s feelings, not just our own. Hopefully, this extension of compassion will also be extended to you when you decide to fully come out and show everyone your lesbian lifestyle. This is important because coming out to your family as a Lesbian can be different from opening the door and letting your family see you as a lesbian. So what’s really the difference, you ask?

Managing Traditional Expectations

Parents don’t have the visual of their little girl being with a woman. They may be accepting of the fact that you are gay UNTIL they actually see you demonstrating those romantic feelings with another woman. This can be extremely challenging for parents and siblings. You have to be patient with this transition and help your family to make this mental change. When/if it does, you will see the powerful benefits and the radical change of your family accepting that you are gay and being overwhelmingly loving and supportive of your relationship.

Getting Your Family to Acceptance

Getting your family to accept your lesbian lifestyle can be quite challenging, so we have devised a few tips to help you to overcome this hurdle in your family life.

Be patient. Eat a lot of gum, buy a stress ball or two, and take your aggression out on something that won’t get hurt. You never want to lash out at your family trying to get them to accept life as it is, when this is a whole new scenario for them. Think of your family as it it were a baby — and that you have to tend to them over a long period of time, showing them the ropes. The more patience and understanding that you extend to them, the more you will receive over time.

  1. Make slow introductions. Don’t invite your girlfriend over for the longest family event of the year and have your family deal with it. The slower the introductions the better. Give your family a taste of the person that you are with so that overtime they can build up a relationship and a familiarity with your girlfriend.
  2. Only bring home the keepers. You want to show your family that you are serious about your relationship. Avoid bringing home every date; wait a few months. If your relationship becomes serious, then it is your time to slowly introduce this person into your family life.
  3. Talk about it. Be open with how you live your life. Tell your family about the experiences that you have. Tell them about the date you went on last weekend (good or bad). This will help them to settle into the fact that you see other women without having the visual of being with another woman becoming the overwhelming element in the room.
  4. Engage your family. With serious girlfriends, try to form a relationship between your girlfriend and your family. If your little brother loves to play soccer and your girlfriend is an all-star player, mention how she can help him with his soccer skills. If your girlfriend loves flowers, mention it to your mother who has a phenomenal garden. Knowing these small life facts about your girlfriend will help to soften the mood and how your family feels about your girlfriend. Also, another good reason to throw out these helpful facts about your girlfriend is so that when your family eventually meets this person, they have more to talk about besides her being in a lesbian relationship with their daughter or sister.
  5. Be real. Show the reality of living a lesbian lifestyle. Show people your lifestyle. Tell them about it. How hard or easy it is to be in a relationship because whether or not you are in love with a man or a woman, the relationship part is always the same. There are good times and bad times. There are huge romantic gestures and there is sleezy cheating. The more real you are about the relationship, the more universal your dating experience becomes instead of being coined as being in a lesbian relationship as if a homosexual relationship were different from a heterosexual relationship.

Give Your Family Time to Accept you are a Lesbian

Give your family time to adjust to the fact that you have come out of the closet. Allow them to adjust to this idea slowly and work with them. If this means giving the literature, taking them to events or even going to counseling it is always worth it to have your family understand than to reject you. If you experience rejection, always come back to the idea of sharing your life with them. Never close the door on your side. It can be difficult to be open and honest, but it is also rewarding once your family comes around.

Easing Your Lesbian Partner into Your Family Life

Some individuals will be lucky, having a warm family who is compassionate and understands a lesbian lifestyle while other families may be uncomfortable with the idea. It is your job to make your family see and understand a lesbian lifestyle. Offer them acceptance and compassion by introducing your partner slowly to them until they feel more comfortable. Ask them permission for your girlfriend to join you for Sunday dinner so that there are no surprises and so that your family sees how much you respect them and their feelings.

Teaching Your Family That Happiness is Your Goal

It is not always easy gaining this type of acceptance but it happens with work and dedication to consolidating a family. Every family has their own issues but a lesbian lifestyle does not have to be one of them. Have an open mind and allow your family to observe how happy you are and fulfilled you are in this relationship. Overtime they will see that there isn’t really a big difference between a homosexual and heterosexual relationship. They will see that you are still their little girl and your happiness rules over all else. They will be your support so allow them the chance to adjust to this change.