It is amazing how open and supportive society has become about accepting gay and lesbian lifestyles, but there are still quite a few people and whole communities who have been reluctant to accept change in society. Sometimes the people closest to us are the hardest to convince who you really are and how you are independently living your life. Getting your family to accept your lesbian lifestyle can be challenging but it can also be very rewarding.

Family Support

It is always better to have the support and love of your family rather than having a happy lesbian relationship while living secluded, scared and rejected by your family and holding hostilities. There needs to be understanding and comprehension from both sides. Your family remembers you as a little, vibrant girl whom they probably imagined would live a specific kind of life, marry a fantastic man, and give them grandchildren. As a lesbian, you are still going to live an amazing and fantastic life and have grandchildren, but these will come with a woman as the love of your life. However, this change can be devastating to your family whether or not you see it as this world-crashing event.

Compassion

As lesbians, we should be compassionate about everyone’s feelings, not just our own. Hopefully, this extension of compassion will also be extended to you when you decide to fully come out and show everyone your lesbian lifestyle. This is important because coming out to your family as a Lesbian can be different from opening the door and letting your family see you as a lesbian. So what’s really the difference, you ask?

Managing Traditional Expectations

Parents don’t have the visual of their little girl being with a woman. They may be accepting of the fact that you are gay UNTIL they actually see you demonstrating those romantic feelings with another woman. This can be extremely challenging for parents and siblings. You have to be patient with this transition and help your family to make this mental change. When/if it does, you will see the powerful benefits and the radical change of your family accepting that you are gay and being overwhelmingly loving and supportive of your relationship.

Getting Your Family to Acceptance

Getting your family to accept your lesbian lifestyle can be quite challenging, so we have devised a few tips to help you to overcome this hurdle in your family life.

Be patient. Eat a lot of gum, buy a stress ball or two, and take your aggression out on something that won’t get hurt. You never want to lash out at your family trying to get them to accept life as it is, when this is a whole new scenario for them. Think of your family as it it were a baby — and that you have to tend to them over a long period of time, showing them the ropes. The more patience and understanding that you extend to them, the more you will receive over time.

1. Make slow introductions. Don’t invite your girlfriend over for the longest family event of the year and have your family deal with it. The slower the introductions the better. Give your family a taste of the person that you are with so that overtime they can build up a relationship and a familiarity with your girlfriend.
2. Only bring home the keepers. You want to show your family that you are serious about your relationship. Avoid bringing home every date; wait a few months. If your relationship becomes serious, then it is your time to slowly introduce this person into your family life.
3. Talk about it. Be open with how you live your life. Tell your family about the experiences that you have. Tell them about the date you went on last weekend (good or bad). This will help them to settle into the fact that you see other women without having the visual of being with another woman becoming the overwhelming element in the room.
4. Engage your family. With serious girlfriends, try to form a relationship between your girlfriend and your family. If your little brother loves to play soccer and your girlfriend is an all-star player, mention how she can help him with his soccer skills. If your girlfriend loves flowers, mention it to your mother who has a phenomenal garden. Knowing these small life facts about your girlfriend will help to soften the mood and how your family feels about your girlfriend. Also, another good reason to throw out these helpful facts about your girlfriend is so that when your family eventually meets this person, they have more to talk about besides her being in a lesbian relationship with their daughter or sister.
5. Be real. Show the reality of living a lesbian lifestyle. Show people your lifestyle. Tell them about it. How hard or easy it is to be in a relationship because whether or not you are in love with a man or a woman, the relationship part is always the same. There are good times and bad times. There are huge romantic gestures and there is sleezy cheating. The more real you are about the relationship, the more universal your dating experience becomes instead of being coined as being in a lesbian relationship as if a homosexual relationship were different from a heterosexual relationship.

Give Your Family Time to Accept you are a Lesbian

Give your family time to adjust to the fact that you have come out of the closet. Allow them to adjust to this idea slowly and work with them. If this means giving the literature, taking them to events or even going to counseling it is always worth it to have your family understand than to reject you. If you experience rejection, always come back to the idea of sharing your life with them. Never close the door on your side. It can be difficult to be open and honest, but it is also rewarding once your family comes around.

Easing Your Lesbian Partner into Your Family Life

Some individuals will be lucky, having a warm family who is compassionate and understands a lesbian lifestyle while other families may be uncomfortable with the idea. It is your job to make your family see and understand a lesbian lifestyle. Offer them acceptance and compassion by introducing your partner slowly to them until they feel more comfortable. Ask them permission for your girlfriend to join you for Sunday dinner so that there are no surprises and so that your family sees how much you respect them and their feelings.

Teaching Your Family That Happiness is Your Goal

It is not always easy gaining this type of acceptance but it happens with work and dedication to consolidating a family. Every family has their own issues but a lesbian lifestyle does not have to be one of them. Have an open mind and allow your family to observe how happy you are and fulfilled you are in this relationship. Overtime they will see that there isn’t really a big difference between a homosexual and heterosexual relationship. They will see that you are still their little girl and your happiness rules over all else. They will be your support so allow them the chance to adjust to this change.

It can be a challenge introducing your lesbian partner to your family but it is an event that needs to happen. That does not mean that it needs to happen right away but it is something that you are going to want to do eventually. Remember, whether you are in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship, going home to meet mom and dad is a big deal. It can be nerve wrecking for both sides. If you are in a lesbian relationship, this meeting may be even more stressful. With a few big, deep breaths and some guided steps, introducing your lesbian partner to your family can be a much easier and smoother transition than you have ever known in the past.

Communication is the First Step

Just like in any good relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic, communication is key. Make sure that you communicate to your family the importance of meeting your partner, and practice amply listening to your parents. Sometimes they may not be ready seeing you physically with someone of the same sex romantically. This may not be pleasant news for you to hear, after all of the success you have made by bringing their awareness to this issue and successfully finding acceptance. Nonetheless, be patient and listen to what your family has to say. Maybe in a week or two they will soften up to the idea. It might take a few months. Just let it happen without being forceful about the introduction.
 
Let your parents know that it is all right for them to ask questions at any time and to, you might say, tutor them to get to know your partner. Don’t make it up to them. Just as it may have been difficult for you to come to the realization that were truly attracted to women, it is difficult for your parents to understand and they do not want to offend you. Let their concerns be heard and not brushed over or dismissed. Lastly, part of accepting you and your lifestyle is arranging a meeting between your family members and your partner. During that meeting, your family gets a push to not just acknowledge your homosexuality but actually come to terms with it, by accepting your partner in ordinary, daily-life interactions.

Be Open About Your Relationship

Many people find it difficult to “translate” their relationship into terms that a heterosexual couple would use so that their family understands. Luckily, there is no need for this type of translation because it is the same. This is an important person who is sharing her life with you. You might be casually dating, dating or quite serious. Let your parents know the status of your relationship. If you are casually dating, you might want to reconsider bringing this person home. It is important that you show your family that you are in a committed and serious relationship as this generally helps families to recognize that in no way is your lifestyle a phase, that you are truly and happily in a lesbian relationship for the long term.
 
Your parents should never dismiss your relationship — showing that you are in a dedicated relationship often helps to put this message across. Do not allow them to call your girlfriend your mate or your friend, because she is your GIRLFRIEND and should be treated as any girlfriend should be treated whether in a homosexual or heterosexual relationship. Do not allow your parents to treat her as unequal to your brother’s girlfriend or sister’s boyfriend. Make sure that your parents show your girlfriend the same guidelines and respect that they would to your sibling’s significant other. One example of this is if your parents do not allow girlfriends to stay over in the same bedroom, that your girlfriend has different sleeping arrangements or vice versa. This will always vary with the parents’ beliefs and household rules.

The Introduction

There are many ways to introduce your partner. One of the best ways to make an introduction is by introducing your partner a little before she arrives. In the upcoming weeks to the meeting, talk to your parents about your girlfriend in more depth. This will stimulate other points of conversation during the meeting and also help your parents to stop fixating on the fact that your girlfriend is a lesbian and more on the fact that she is a normal person with lots of interests and great things to offer you and her family in the long term.
 
When your parents feel ready to meet your partner, make sure that you choose a comfortable setting for your parents. This may be in your apartment or in their home. You can also try meeting in a neutral location, such as your parent’s favorite restaurant. You want it to be a place where everyone will feel welcomed and invited. Also, try to make this special introduction to both parents instead of one at a time. This may be difficult for parents, one knowing the partner before the other one does. You want a smooth, direct meeting introducing your partner to your parents as your girlfriend with both of them present in a comfortable environment.

Be Happy

Your parents’ overall concern is for your happiness. You might be nervous or scared, but you need to show them how happy you and your girlfriend are together. This happiness that lights across your face will be transmitted to your parents. In return, your parents will see this happiness and hopefully be more inclined to the well-being of the relationship. As long as they know that you are happy, they are more likely to be happy for you and accepting of your new partner. So always stay positive during this initial meet-and-greet. Even if there is an awkward moment or something may have seemed negative, continue to be positive about the relationship and the meeting.
 
Allow for everyone to be heard at the dinner table. You don’t want to speak for either your partner or your parents. You can surely start a conversation and help to guide it saying “Yes, Christine is an excellent teacher, tell them more about your classes, Chris.” Giving everyone the opportunity to speak and be heard helps to make the communication and transition easier. Also try to place focus on something other than being a lesbian. Talk about anything that any other couple would talk about. Stay relaxed and if at any time you feel overwhelmed just take a deep breath and a sip of water. In the end, you will see the success of the evening and the advancement that you just took with both your partner and your parents.
 
Good luck and be strong. This is an amazing part of your experience and journey introducing a person that you love into your family. Be receptive and understanding of your family. It may take time for them to understand but they will eventually see your true love and the happiness that you share with this incredible person.

Going out on your first lesbian date is an exciting and memorable event in your life. Even if you have gone out on dates before, this is your first date with someone new in your life. There is always a certain amount of expectations and nervousness that pass through one’s head before going out but this shouldn’t affect how the date goes. When nerves become an issue, it is because the spot you went to didn’t allow you to be comfortable. So if you are very nervous or feel like you are only going out on first dates, it is time to choose the right places you should go on your first lesbian date.

Comfort is Key

You always want to be yourself as much as you can on your first date. If you are uncomfortable in the spots that you are choosing because you think that your date will enjoy them, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Since you are choosing the spot make it a place where you love to go. This excitement and enjoyment that you bring to the date by choosing something in your comfort zone allows you to be you. Your date will have a great time and therefore, you will start going out on more second, third, fourth, etc dates.

Is It Wrong to Choose a Place That I Like?

Some women may think that it is selfish not to have a date spot in mind for the person that they are going out with. There is a reason why you are going out on your first date; to get to know each other. If you don’t know your date then you might not actually know what they like. It is much better to choose a place that is special and comfortable for you, then to think of a date spot that your date might like but you might hate. Plus, once you can get through the first date and get to know each other better, then you can create a great second date that you know that both of you will definitely enjoy and she will know that you had her especially in mind!

How Out Are You Girls?

Another element to keep in mind when you are going out with someone for the first time is to know and accept how “out” you and she are. If you are not totally out, you might want to do something low-key. If the lady you are going out with isn’t completely out of the closet then you might not want to go to a place that puts her out in the spotlight. You might think of places that are further away than a local hangout. This will allow both of you to relax a little more on your date without the worry of someone you or she knows bumping into you.

Where Should I Take My Date?

Now it comes down to where you should actually take your date. Once you have all of the fine details worked out, you should have a pretty good idea of where to go and where not to go depending on your comfort and level of “outness.” Some of the best dates start out at a local bar or coffee shop. This doesn’t mean to take your date out to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts but choose an intimate spot where your order is something quick and simple, not a very big commitment of time. The problem with going out to dinner is that you might not be as interested in this person as you may think. Sitting through an hour-long dinner can be torturous.
 
By choosing to go to a bar or a coffee shop, you can have your drink and within the first few minutes you will know whether or not you actually want to be with this person. In the case that you girls are hitting it off, you can have a back- up restaurant in mind and continue your date. If you are not really feeling this person, then you can gracefully and quickly make your exit.

What About Going to the Movies?

Going to catch a flick can be hit or miss. Think about it. Why are you going out on your first date? You want to get to know this woman. So do you really think sitting next to your date for the next two or three hours is helping you to get to know her? Maybe. You might get a little chit chat in when you meet up, wait on line for tickets and waiting for previews. If you can learn a lot about someone via observation, going to the movies could be an option. You can see what type of humor she has, a couple of views on politics and life and the type of junk food she likes to snack on. Other than that, you really aren’t getting to know anything else about her. The movies are dark and can be romantic with hand-holding without too many onlookers so it could be private enough for both of you, especially if one or both of you are hesitant about showing affection in public.

An Element of Fun on Your First Date

You want to have fun when you go on your first date. Leave the heavy stuff for another day. Most girls just want to have fun like the Cyndi Lauper song. If you aren’t showing your date a good time, there really isn’t a hope that subsequent dates will be any more fun than the first. So where can you have fun, be comfortable and be able to get to know your date? Here are just a few ideas but definitely feel free to add to this list:
 
— Bowling: It’s nice and physical (see “Stay Active,” below), and everyone basically knows how.
— Concert: Provides something to talk about afterwards.
— Batting Cages: More physical, and if your date has never been there, it’s pretty easy to teach her how, and it’s easier than an actual game.
— An Arcade: There are so many great arcade games now, it’s for nearly everyone.
— Mini Golf: A nice leisurely, structured, outdoor activity.
— Museum: You can do lots of talking while you walk and look.
 
If you have a special talent, you can always teach or share your passion. During the summer, going out to the tennis courts could be a lot of fun, to teach your date how to play and hit the ball back and forth a few times. You will be active and this can help you out.

Stay Active on Your Date

Being active on a date does a lot of positive things for you. If you are nervous, you can sweat out all of the nerves. You also bring your focus onto what you are doing, which allows you to relax and be yourself. You are not necessarily concentrating on impressing your date, which you might be doing if you are on a passive date like at the movies. You also get your endorphins flowing. Your endorphins are like your happy juice. Your date is more likely to have a better time afterwards with her endorphins on high, making her smile, than on low.
 
Take a little time out of your day to figure out a great, fun date where you know that you will be comfortable and show your date an excellent time. Everyone’s different; and it is up to you to use your best judgment when it comes to finding the perfect place to have your first lesbian date.